So as I’m sitting here trying to organize my impending word-vomit, a song lyric comes to mind.

Sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.

Just that.  And yet, I feel like it’s a calling for this day.  Because I am.  Today, I find myself broken and surrendering.  And the experience of the past few years has taught me that it’s not a bad place to be.  And yet, I war against it.

“Really, God? Sweetly? Where am I supposed to find this sweetness in being broken, because it’s eluding me at this moment.  And wholly? No.  I’ll give you mostly.  I am mostly surrendered.  And I think you’re okay with that, because you made me a creature of passion…you created me to be so passionate with my life that there are some things I just can’t surrender.  Right?  So no.  Not sweet, and not whole.  Broken and surrendered.  Almost.”

And yet the tug on my heart continues.

Sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.

I am struggling to find joy in this moment, struggling to lay it all at His feet.  And I have no clue why.  Because time has taught me over and over that “at His feet” is a very, very safe place for anything and everything I’m carrying.

“Cast ALL your cares upon Him, because He cares for you.”

Why can’t I seem to find the space to do that right now? Why am I holding on so tight, so afraid that He’s not going to bring it around for His glory? And ultimately, because I am His, my glory.

I’m just having a hard time with it today.  I am broken, but not sweetly; surrendered, but not wholly.

And that’s why my chest feels heavy. 

Longing for and chasing after sweetly and wholly.


One thought on “.sweetly.and.wholly.

  1. Mel says:

    ….and because we are human and have all the emotions and things that go along with it we will have some days like this. (At least on this side of heaven!) I often think it’s good we feel like that sometimes, this world is not our home after all. You my dear are just suffering from a little homesickness today. I feel the same way sometimes, but then I remember the people I love (like you!) & God’s amazing grace and it eases up for a little while. Just think someday we won’t feel that homesickness any longer. I love you, dear one!!

    Reading some good words in Ecclesiastes the last couple of days. Ecclesiastes talks about the refining influence of sorrow in our lives…maybe you’re going through a little refining today. Know that no matter what- YOU ARE LOVED by many…… but most importantly & every single moment by Him!

    3 Sorrow is better than laughter,
    for sadness has a refining influence on us. Ecclesiastes 7:3

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