This particular blog is probably not going to make any sense.  Anyone reading it is probably better off that way.

My heart is in a thousand pieces in my chest.  The brokenness in this world is far too much for my frail mind to be okay with in this moment, and I just want to lay down at the feet of Jesus and weep.  I knew months ago that this day would come, and I was hoping against it, because I know the chaos it could easily wreak.  And it’s here, and it’s too soon.  And I don’t know how to deal with it.  I don’t know how to break the heart of someone I love so much I’d die for him.  I don’t know how to put more on his plate when He’s already questioning God, already questioning the promise that He’d never give us more than we can handle.  I don’t know how to explain everything to him, I don’t know how to tell him that, despite the evidence, there is a God who has been lovingly watching his life for the past forty years, and He’s using even the most shattered pieces for His glory.

My heart is broken for my family.  For the people who believe that what’s going on on the surface is the greatest indicator of what’s going on beneath.  Because the two are so frequently nowhere near each other.  Just because things look good don’t mean they are good.  I’m broken over our obsession with keeping up appearances and thinking that’s enough.  I’m fed up with the lie that says it’s better to be fake and right than be transparent and wrong.  It’s not.

I’m bitter and angry.  I’m angry with humanity, I’m angry with people for being selfish and hurtful and so obsessed with their own pleasure that they’re incapable of giving thought to the consequences of their actions.

And I’m angry with myself for not taking action.  For taking a hands-off approach and believing that, even as part of the body, it’s not my job to get close enough to be a part of the solution.  For questioning what the modern church world would think if I were to tell them I believe it’s my job to live AMONG the Samaritans, the untouchables.  To walk where they walk and live where they live, to share life with them, and by sharing life with them…to minister to them.  Not by avoiding them.  Not by only sharing life with them so that I can be in a position to remind them ten times a day every day that their sin is sin is sin is sin.  Because clearly.  That’s gotten us so far in the past.

It’s time to step up to the plate.  It’s been time for almost five years now.

“The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.” Galatians 5:6

“I have become all things to all men so that I might by all means save some.”  I Corinthians 9:22

I believe in a God who is big enough to rectify this for the purpose of His beauty and glory.

I believe in a God who is big enough to rectify this for the purpose of His beauty and glory.

I believe in a God who is big enough to rectify this for the purpose of His beauty and glory.


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