.overwhelmedness.

Growth is such a weird thing. I’m in this place where so many things are inspiring me and I can feel the moving of Heaven in my soul. And yet, for some reason, it’s SO uncomfortable. It’s almost like so many things are awakening my soul at once that my spirit feels overwhelmed by it all, and the growth becomes almost painful.

And some days, its just overwhelming to the point of being frustrating.  On days like today, especially.  I know that God is moving, and I know He’s at work, and I know He’s doing His refining.  I know it’s Him doing His best work and still, I get frustrated by it.  I want to step outside into the winter chill and yell at the sky, “Seriously?? What do you want from me already?? Just tell me what you want me to know, what you want me to change or do or be, and I’m there.  Just…let’s get on with it already.”

Patience is not my strong suit, I suppose you’d say.

There’s just something so nagging about this feeling of “something important is happening,” and it makes my spirit ache to know what the important thing is.  Maybe the ache is the important thing.  Maybe He’s trying to teach me to rely on Him in the middle of the ache instead of letting it consume me.  I know there’s a purpose.  I know I’m about to learn something valuable.

But sometimes the most valuable somethings hurt the most in the acquisition.

Praying that the Lord would not take the growth away but help me to experience the beauty in being overwhelmed by His bigness instead of just…the overwhelmedness.

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