not okay

So it’s been a REALLY long time since I’ve been able to write music.  Which is funny, because I write all the time, but it feels like there’s been this brain block for awhile.  Not even so much a brain block…I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking in the past year about what I’m doing with my music.  About why it is that sometimes, I get to the end of writing a song, and it feels contrived.  I mean, maybe it’s truth and maybe I believe it’s words, but…it’s not my heart.  It’s not the most real place I could be writing from.  Funny how that happens.

At any rate, tonight was the first time in a long time that I sat down and wrote and, when I was finished, felt like I said exactly what was in those deepest parts of my soul tonight.  And it felt glorious.  So, in lyrical form, this is “Not Okay.”

I’m not perfect; far from it,

I’m a messy piece of broken human being most days.

I’m not steady, and I’m unstable,

And I won’t pretend that I’ve got it together in any way.

And it’s inside this weakness that I find freedom from the lie that it’s

Not okay to be not okay, and it’s my job to keep this smiling face.

Perfect pride has built an empire

And made a god of sweeping up this mess of crumbling clay.

Covered up and stuffed in closets,

We prefer to leave reality for another nameless day.

But I can’t help but think that we’ve been called to honesty and truth and it’s

Not okay and we’re not okay, but that was never the point in the first place.

What if we’re honest with ourselves, and what if we’re honest with the world?

What if we let them see that we’re broken and frail…and He loves us still.

It’s inside my weakness that I find freedom from the lie that it’s

Not okay to be not okay, and it’s my job to keep this smiling face.

That was never the point in the first place.

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