trust without understanding

This was potentially the longest week in the entire world.

This week was our holiday concert series, and while the concerts themselves went off without a hitch, the process of getting there was a series of ordeals that I refuse to etch any more deeply in my memory than they already are by recapping them yet again.  I have already given the bad moments of the past five days far too much power.  It’s amazing how bad moments have this way of becoming bad hours and days and maybe even years, only because we refuse to let them stay only a bad moment.

Thus, we move on.

Here’s what I’m learning lately.   Something that was yet again confirmed to me throughout the madness of this week.

There is a REASON God inspired a brilliant man to write the following statement:

Do everything without grumbling or questioning. [Philippians 2:14]

I don’t know about you, but my first instinct upon reading this is laughter .  The really good kind, that comes from deep in your belly and causes you to throw your head back and eventually robs you of all your breath.  It’s also the kind of laugh that has a wild sense of sarcasm to it.

Not only are we supposed to endure the frustrations that occasionally come along with this life without completely flying off the handle, but we’re supposed to do it without complaining? Say whaaaaaaat?? We’re also supposed to do it without questioning?? Now it just seems nonsensical.  Ridiculous.

But the crazy bit of it is that it’s starting to make sense in a real-life way for me.  Even though I still want to laugh at it most days, here’s what I’m beginning to understand.  When I give time and words to an idea, I give it power.   Which is a large chunk of the reason I believe it so profoundly impacts our lives to be in the Word on a regular basis.  When we sit in a thought or an idea, we give it room to breathe and grow and take on a life of its own.

I’m not proud to say that this week, I spent a lot of time giving a lot of thoughts room to breathe and grow and take on lives of their own.  And they were not content thoughts, or happy thoughts, or joyful thoughts.  They were bitter, angry thoughts casting curses on people who are no less His than I am.  And here’s what I figured out.  When I told those bitter, angry thoughts they could stay? They brought friends and family.  They multiplied a thousand times over, to the point where at some moments this week, I didn’t feel like I recognized myself, the inside of my own head, the words coming out of my own mouth.

Do you trust Me?

Gah.  Hush.

Do you trust Me?

Yes.  I do.  But don’t You see this? Don’t You see the way this is all going down? Don’t You see how wrong this is?

Of course.  Do you trust Me?

With what?? I don’t even know what’s to trust You with here.

Everything.  Do you trust Me that even in this moment, even in this situation, I am bringing Heaven to Earth?

I hate when You do this.  I just want You to let me be mad for awhile.

Then be mad for awhile.  I get mad too, with a frequency that would probably shock most of you.  But at the end of the mad, there must be peace.  There must be trust that, although things do not seem to be as they should, I will set it all straight.  I will make all things right.  Do you trust that much, even when you do not understand how?

He reminds us to not grumble or question because as we do, we waste time that would be better spent trusting Him with a trust that may not entirely understand–but exists beyond that.


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