Sometimes even the eternal optimist needs someone to remind her why the glass is half full.  Needs someone to believe it for her when she can’t quite get there.

And I know it is.  I know how absolutely blessed we are.  This is just a season.  A season in which we find ourselves discouraged and out of sorts.  Questioning our purpose and vision.  Wondering why we insist on learning things the hard way time after time.  Turned inward instead of focused outward and upward.

And I know from the beauty of experience how good our Creator is at redeeming that which seems to be a lost cause.  I know that you must know Light to recognize darkness.  I know the Truths that contradict the lies.  I repeat them to myself in faith that they will take root and grow life in soil that seems hopeless.

But today, that faith comes hard.  I just see so much brokenness, and it breaks me.  It colors my world with the dark knowledge that things are not as they should be.  Not as they were dreamed by a Great Dreamer.  And most every question seems to be one without an answer.  What if leaving a mark on this world doesn’t come in the form we want it to? What if it doesn’t come in a loud and glorious package? What if it comes with the quiet and daily rhythm of walking beside the broken, being broken with them and for them and sitting in them with that? What if being used looks like committing to something that hurts, that rubs your spirit raw in as many moments as it heals it?

That feels so weighty at this moment.  We all want this glorious purpose, this thing that always feels right and good and useful.  But sometimes our most glorious purpose is really trudging through the dark and lonely places no one else seems willing to go and even fewer seem willing to stay.  What happens when the realities of being used by God run entirely contrary to our vision for it? What if God exploiting me for His purposes doesn’t end with me looking successful and powerful? What if He really meant it when He said that His ways were mysterious, that He would use the weakest of people to outshine the wise and build His kingdom.

I am feeling pretty weak today.  And in that, there is a flicker of hope.  It feels so small.  But there is a flicker of hope.

And after the storm, I run and run as the rains come and I look up.

I look up; on my knees and out of luck, I look up.

Night has always pushed up day; you must know life to see decay.

I won’t rot; not this mind and not this heart, I won’t rot.

And I took you by the hand and we stood tall,

And remembered our own Land…what we live for.

There will come a time you’ll see with no more tears,
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see what you find there
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

Now I cling to what I knew; I saw exactly what was true, but oh no more.

That’s why I hope.  That’s why I hold with all I have and why I hope.

There will come a time you’ll see with no more tears,
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

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