Today, I’m taking part in Five Minute Friday, a traditional activity at one of my favorite blogs. Check it out, I’ve sent the link below. The challenge is to take five minutes exactly on Friday to write simply for the joy of writing. No editing, no looking back, no apologies. Just write about whatever it is the given topic inspires you toward. I love this idea. And so, I write.
Today’s topic is “Empty.”
In photographs, your eyes are blue like ice and they’re cold and they’re flat. I don’t remember them that way, and it makes me wonder. It makes me wonder if you’re happy with where things are right now. With where you’re ended up. I think of this phrase from a Something Corporate song that makes think of you every time I hear it. “There’s was never any place for someone like me to be totally happy.”
Happiness is such a funny thing, and I think you were chasing it. I think you still are sometimes. I don’t know that, because I can’t say that I particularly know you anymore. That makes my heart sad, and it makes me wonder if you ever found it, that happiness that always seemed elusive to you.
I don’t think happiness is what we think it is, though. I don’t think happiness is always equivalent to ease. I believe now, from personal experience, that happiness can happen in struggle. That just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. Happy is so hard to define and it’s so absolutely fleeting that one thing or another can rarely make us feel happy for too long.
I hope you found it. I hope you found it because you gave up a lot to find it. I hope it was worth it. It was for me, as much as I never thought I could say that. The quest for your happiness broke me, and while there are still scars that haven’t completely healed, the quest for your happiness brought me to where I am. And even on the days when I struggle. Even on the days when the scars break open and hurt more than I like to admit, I am happy. I found my place to be happy after you broke the place where I thought I’d find it.