You know what I need

It’s funny how the passing of a year can seem like a lifetime at the same time that it seems like nothing at all.

A year ago, I was doing pretty much this same thing.  I had left Imagine for the last time, and was job hunting.  Freaking out that I wouldn’t find employment and we’d end up living in a cardboard box.  Wondering what life would look like in three months.  Wishing we could be in our own place again.  Ready to get Josh into school.  Tirelessly wishing God would give us some kind of answer.

And yet, life looks nothing like it did a year ago.  When I sit and really look at this year for what it’s been, I can’t even believe the growth that we’ve seen in it.

I have seen more evidence than ever that my heart belongs to the inner city and her children.  And while I have no idea what that’s going to look like as the years pass, I have more confidence than ever that this will continue to be part of my ministry.  Not only that, but during the past year, God has begun to grow that love for the inner city and her children in the heart of my husband.  Just yesterday, we sat on a hardwood floor over leftover pad thai and talked about our shared dream of ministering to urban children, our hope that one day we will be in a place to open our home to as many of them as it can hold.  I have watched my husband becoming a spiritual leader in ways that he is completely unaware of, and I am eternally grateful for.  I have seen our relationship, our dependence on each other, and ultimately our dependence on God grow more in the past ten months than in the entirety of the three years before that.  We have experienced a community of people, both expected people and unexpected people, that have blessed us and loved us and been the Church in ways we didn’t even know we needed.  We have seen evidence upon evidence of God’s provision and faithfulness.

And in that spirit, in having seen His blessings multiply, I wonder…what cause do I have to worry about what’s going to happen three months from now, what life will be like? In the face of all the beauty this past year has contained, all the evidence that tells me there is a God and that God is GOOD

I have no reason to worry.

I look out the window, the birds are composing.
Not a note is out of tune or out of place.
I walk through the meadow and stare at the flowers,
Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day.
So why do I worry? Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need.  [Jon Foreman, Your Love is Strong]

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