just when you let go

God is funny.  Sometimes literally haha funny, and sometimes funny in this way that makes me want to have words with Him.  Today is a mix of both, really.

I told my housemate yesterday morning that I was in the process of filling out my last teacher application of the summer.  That I was going to finish the application I was working on and just wash my hands of it.  Let it be what it is and trust that God could do something with it.  She’s in the middle of her own search for a teaching job at the moment, so she completely understands where my head and heart are, and how exhausting and consuming the process can be.

One of the last things I told her yesterday, with a somewhat sarcastic edge, was, “I know how this is going to go.  I feel like God is just waiting for me to lay it down and stop trying so hard, and as soon as I let it go, something will come through.  You watch.  I’ll finish this application, determine within myself to let it all go, and tomorrow I’ll get a phone call about an interview.  And God will have Himself a nice, long laugh.”

That was yesterday.  And today, the voicemail when I got back from the pool.

“Mrs. Hibbs, I’m the principal with…”

I have an interview at nine tomorrow morning.  I’m thrilled and terrified.  This is my first interview with what I’d call a real school district, by which I mean a public school as opposed to a charter.  This is rather intimidating, to say the least.  The voices in my head are telling me how completely unqualified and incapable I am of doing this.  How behind I am, since I’ve spent the past three years in the brand of school that doesn’t really have expectations for their teachers.

But I have one major selling point.  I don’t quit.  No matter what.  I do whatever I have to do to get the job done, and to do it well.  Regardless of obstacles, regardless of inexperience.  I refuse to be intimidated, and I refuse to back down.  I don’t quit.  The principal at my first school told me in the middle of that first excruciating year, “Sweetheart…if you can survive your first year of teaching in this school, you can teach anywhere in this country.”

I hope you weren’t lying, Mr. Smith.  I’m taking you at your word, and going in tomorrow like I own this.


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