The longer I sit and listen to the quiet, the more I believe I understand why we go to such great lengths to avoid it. Today is the kind of day when all I want is a distraction from my own spirit, because it contains some ugly things that I’d rather not contend with. But I have committed to spending the next 31 days listening, and responding to what I hear. And so, I listen. And now, I respond.
I keep going back to two questions, ones that I don’t want hanging around my head, because the answers aren’t black and white. There’s a whole lot of grey.
What is this next season of your life really going to be about? What’s really important to you?
If I were to give actual answers to the question of what’s important to me? That list would be comprised of things like comfort. Safety. Security. Money. Approval. Social acceptability. I mean, those wouldn’t be the first things I would naturally tell you if you were to ask me to my face, “Hey, Audra…what’s important to you?” But based on how I spend my time, how I spend my money, the things I worry about the most, the things I talk about the most; those would be the most obviously important things to me. And I think those things carry weight. I think the things I do and the words I say and the way I spend my resources–I think all of it matters.
Is that okay with me? Is that what I want the next season of my life to be about?