It’s an everything and nothing kind of evening, and she and I, we have an everything and nothing kind of history. An everything and nothing way of love.
And so it fits that tonight, this night that feels like All of the Things and None of the Things at the same time, she’s in her home in Philadelphia and I’m in my home near Dallas, and we’re chatting about the all and the none. She’s sorting through her struggles, and I’m sorting through my gifts, and we’ll lay a phrase down in the air in front of each other and wait for help with the sorting.
Our hearts are achy and heavy with growth and change these days. We always seem to travel through life as a “we,” and I love that. Seasons change often, and yet for us, they often seem to change in sync. We never really seem to feel the need to carry each other through the hard moments, just hold tight and walk through it together. That feels rare and beautiful, and I remember when it first started to feel like this with her, a really very long time ago, almost a decade if that’s even possible. Is that seriously possible??
She has been there for my best moments and my worst moments. For the moments I don’t have words for and the moments I’ve never been able to shut up about. For the laughing until I’m crying and the crying until the guts of me are trying not to sob out loud. And all of it, we just do it together. And it doesn’t change anything, it doesn’t make the hard go away or the beautiful stay longer, but God knows it sure does make both the hard and the beautiful ten shades sweeter.
And the ridiculous part, the bread-and-wine kind of God-thing provision I can’t wrap my head around, is that she is not just her. It’s not just Philadelphia. It’s Philadelphia, and it’s Ennis, and it’s Peru, and it’s Roach, and it’s Kansas City, and it’s Bolivar, and it’s Fredericktown, and it’s three miles down the road and it’s sitting across the living room from me right now.
All the lovelies in all the places? We do life together, the best of it and the worst of it. And in the doing, they have given me life and energy to immeasurable degrees. They have been there for my everything and my nothing, and they have felt joy in my joy and pain in my pain. They are among my greatest glories, and I don’t give thanks for them enough. And sometimes the only way to really BE grateful is to DO grateful, to soak up the moment. And so tonight, I’ll just live out all the thank yous, and I’ll sit here and keep Philly’s phone buzzing.